


before

by casandraderolo



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Child Abandonment, self projection? in my fic? its more likely then you think!, the d in jakey d stands for depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 03:00:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11865270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casandraderolo/pseuds/casandraderolo
Summary: Am I the only onewishing life away?Never caught up in the momentbusy begging the past to stay- When//Dodie Clark





	before

Jake felt like shit.

 

He also felt like shit, for feeling like shit.

 

Everyone else had had moved on; had new memories in replace of the terrible, ugly, ones.

 

Everyone could live in the moment, so was he so reluctant to let go of the past?

 

Why was it that the one thing he wanted most in life was for his parents to come home.

 

To call him.

 

To send a letter.

 

To send him a birthday card.

 

To send him an email.

 

To do anything besides deposit thousands of dollars, that he didn’t want, that he didn’t need, into a bank account in bis namr everyday.

 

All he wanted was for his mom to be in the kitchen making dinner when he came home from school. For his dad to tell him how to deal with a broken heart. He wanted his mom to be worried when he showed up after curfew. For his dad to ground him for it. For his mom to bake her signature cupcakes that she made for his birthday every year. For his dad to smile and tell those dreadfully awful ‘dad’ jokes. To see his parents in the outfield of his baseball games, or in the audience as he performed. To hear his mom laugh, or to see his dad smile, or to hear them say ‘I love you’ just one last time.

 

All Jake wanted was to go back in time, before his parents left him.

 

Before he knew how they got all their money.

 

Before he woke up alone to an empty house two days before freshman year.

 

Before he started seeing deposits of thousands of dollars into a bank account.

 

Before be learned that there were drugs in his basement.

 

Before he learned how to make dinner by himself.

 

Before he cracked the lock in his parents liquor cabinet.

 

Before he started to drink them away.

 

Before they _abandoned_ him, forcing a scared, barely old enough boy, to grow up to soon.

 

He wanted to go back in time.

 

He just wanted to feel home again.

  
He just wanted to feel, whole again.

**Author's Note:**

> I have abandonment issues.
> 
> yell at me on tumblr  
> [main](http://callme-jakey.tumblr.com/)   
> [bmc side](https://transjakobdillinger.tumblr.com/)


End file.
